podcast

Swoon Podcast Episode #18 – Feelin Myself: Masturbation is an Essential Life Skill

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode #18 – Feelin Myself: Masturbation is an Essential Life Skill

Masturbation is an important part of self-care, and being a better lover with partners. 

In today's episode, Julie and Gina dispel myths about self-pleasure and share resources to help you begin or expand your masturbation practice.

This episode covers:

  • Rethinking the limiting myths our culture teaches us about masturbation

  • Things we wish everyone knew about masturbation

  • How to talk about masturbation with your partners (and without shame)

  • The many needs that can be met by masturbating

  • How to begin a masturbation practice if you haven't tried (or are out of practice)

  • How to expand your self-pleasure experience in healthy ways

Resources Shared in This Episode

Your Body is a Wonderland - Swoon Podcast Episode 6

Betty Dodson

Becoming Cliterate - Laurie Mintz

Better Sex Through Mindfulness - Lori Brotto

Good Vibrations Videos

OMG Yes 

Make Love Not Porn

Erica Lust

Action Steps from the Podcast

Start a practice or expand your self-pleasure practice by committing to it and prioritizing it. Spend regular time exploring sensation in your body and expanding your fantasy life.

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode 17: Let's Talk About Sex: Sex Education We Wish Everyone Knew

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode 17: Let's Talk About Sex: Sex Education We Wish Everyone Knew

When beginning this podcast, one of your host's greatest hopes was to dispel misinformation about sex and get some accurate sexual health and pleasure information out into the world.

Listen in and learn some of the most important facts about sexuality we wish more people knew.

This episode covers:

  • Things we wish everyone knew about sexuality, sexual health, and pleasure

  • How many people feel sex is a mystery because they had no sexual education

  • Porn is not sex ed

  • What we wish people knew about lube (and how important it is)

  • How useful it is to know your way around a vibrator and/or a clitoris

  • How extremely common erectile dysfunction is

  • How to talk about consent in order to have fulfilling sexual connections


MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

"Almost no one gets quality sexual education. A lot of people get abstinence-only or no sex education. Or fear-based sex education which is all about things to avoid instead of things to enjoy... just be afraid of sex. Don't do it. And almost all the sex ed if anyone does get it is about straight intercourse and reproduction- never is it about creativity, joy, or pleasure or consent... and never is it about communication- it's all body-based. So we needed to do a podcast to undo a whole bunch of that."

"Porn has a great place for arousal and as entertainment but when we use it as education sometimes people don't realize a lot of porn is acting. It's fantasy and we can't use it as a template for a relationship in real life."

"If you're wanting to learn about pleasing a partner, porn isn't the best place to do that because porn is about pleasing the viewer."

"You can mess around with vibrators all over the place."

"You are entitled to your desires and pleasures no matter how surprising or unusual they may seem."

"Masturbation is an essential life skill."

Resources Shared in This Episode

Books:

Come As You Are - Emily Nagoski

What Makes a Baby - Cory Silverberg

Becoming Cliterate - Laurie Mintz

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book - Felice Newman

The Guide to Getting it On - Paul Joannides

She Comes First - Ian Kerner


Websites:

Planned Parenthood Sexual Health Information

Good Vibrations Videos

OMG Yes 


Workshops:

She Bop Events

Center for Sex Positive Culture


Action Steps from the Podcast

Take a class, workshop, or read one of the books or resources we've listed here. Really, invest time and energy into learning about sex- there's always something new to know!

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode 16: You Can't Hurry Love: Dating in Real Life

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode 16: You Can't Hurry Love: Dating in Real Life

We've received so many questions about dating in real life we decided to start with a dating overview so you have tools to navigate the most common stressors people face in the dating world.

Listen in to stay grounded while you look for connection.

This episode covers:

  • How to avoid making the same dating mistakes over and over again

  • How to navigate the feelings of scarcity and insecurity that come up when you're putting yourself out there

  • How to incorporate feedback from your friends and supporters while you're dating

  • How do you manage the anxiety of dating and savor the excitement at the same time


"For every person out there, there's a unique way to date, really. Right? Every one of us goes about this somewhat differently and at the same time, we're operating in a culture where there are some norms about how we meet or make invitations or what's expected that we don't always break apart... let's break down how much of this is story and how much of this is what I actually want?"

"So often we put our expectations on another person and the more we can stay connected to ourselves and what we truly want the more we can find it."

"We have to learn to sit with the disappointment of not having something that we want. And in our current culture, we get what we want relatively quickly(if we have some level of privilege)... we're so used to things happening really quickly. So if we're specific about what we want there's a smaller pool to choose from and you'll have to learn to manage your own anxiety about being alone- which doesn't mean you have to be lonely."

"Sometimes we are pulled towards things that aren't good for us because it lights up part of our brain... Sometimes what's familiar isn't necessarily what's good for us."

"More dating means more breakups or more awkward moments... thinking ahead about how to manage disappointment can give me a sense of 'I will get through this.'"


Resources Shared in This Episode

Deeper Dating - Ken Page

The Desire Map - Danielle LaPorte

Wired for Dating - Stan Tatkin


Action Steps from the Podcast

We've included a few reflection questions to ask yourself about dating:

  • How do I want to feel in this experience?

  • What do I want to learn from dating?

  • What am I looking for? (get specific)

  • What are the indicators that my life is in balance?

  • How do I know when this is working for me?

Your Dream Partner exercise from Deeper Dating
1. What is your ideal partner's appearance?
2. Where or how do you think you are most likely to meet your ideal partner?
3. What is your ideal partner's main personality traits?
4. What is your ideal partner's prior relationship history?
5. What is your ideal partner's financial status? Occupation? Hobbies? Interest?
6. How would your ideal partner treat you? Treat others?
7. How much time would it take after meeting your ideal partner for your first kiss? Sleeping together? Living together? Engagement? Marriage? Children?
8. What would your ideal partner say or do first thing in the morning?
9. What would your ideal partner give you on your next birthday?
10. How would your ideal partner react if the two of you had a disagreement?


About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode 15 – Start Me Up: Initiating Sex and Getting Things Going

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode 15 – Start Me Up: Initiating Sex and Getting Things Going

For many couples initiating sex and foreplay is a loaded issue. We get locked into roles of initiator and receiver and can build huge resentment stories about the patterns we've fallen into over time- and it can feel impossible to break free.

In this week's episode, Gina and Julie share thoughts on how to shift those patterns and get things started with ease.

This episode covers:

  • Why initiating sex is so hard for so many people

  • How to understand bids for attention- and respond in ways that support connection

  • How to think about your patterns in new ways

  • How initiation clarity applies to partners who have experienced trauma

  • How to get clear about what you need and want in the bedroom


MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

"In lots of relationships, we get stuck in patterns where you're always the one to initiate, I'm never the one to initiate, you're always feeling rejected, I'm never feeling wanted. No matter how we organize those roles we're polarized and disconnected."

"It is a vulnerable act to be like, 'Hey, I want to experience this. Do you want to experience it with me?"

"Having more practices around how we want to want to initiate, or can initiate, can't initiate, and how we want to be initiated with will create less room for miscommunication, missed connection or disappointment when we want to connect sexually."


Resources Shared in This Episode

Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids - The Gottman Institute


Action Steps from the Podcast

Talk about what initiation looks like for you. Tell your partner your favorite ways to be seduced or invited to erotic play. Talk about your barriers to initiation. Ask the following:

  • How would you like your partner to initiate sex with you?

  • Is there a form of initiation that would work best for you?

  • What's the easiest way for you to initiate?

  • What makes initiation hard for you?

  • How will I know the difference between initiation and flirtation in this partnership?

  • What gives you a green light or red light around initiation?

  • What are the ways you could be deliciously engaged sexually?

  • What makes you feel aroused?

  • What makes you swoon?

Then make a plan for sexual connection. Commit to a time to initiate and share sexual energy to break up your default patterns and create space for something new.




About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode 14 – Born This Way – What Straight People Need to Learn from Queer Relationships

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode 14 – Born This Way – What Straight People Need to Learn from Queer Relationships

Happy Pride Month!

In this episode Gina and Julie celebrate queer relationships! They also discuss research that highlights some of the wonderful things we can learn from gay and lesbian relationships.

This episode covers:

A 12 year year study of gay and lesbian relationships that highlights 4 main areas of strength in same-sex partnerships:

  • Collaboration around division of labor

  • Navigating conflict

  • Creativity and communication about sex

  • Trustworthiness and stability (especially in lesbian relationships)


 

Resources Shared in This Episode

Gottman Research
Gottman 12 year study


Action Steps from the Podcast

Look at the four areas of strengths that we covered in this episode. Here are some questions for you to explore in your relationship:

  • How have we been intentional about our role-sharing in our relationship?

  • How could we build in more humility or humor around our conflicts and work on not taking things so personally?

  • How could we explore more creativity or more communication in our sex life?

  • Are there things we could do to build more trustworthiness or stability in our partnership?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast Episode 13: Freak Like Me: Working with Your Erotic Template

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Swoon Podcast Episode 13: Freak Like Me: Working with Your Erotic Template

Embracing the full complexity of your sexual self - including desire, fantasy, and even some of the areas that can feel confusing can help you have a more fulfilling sexual life.

Join us for this week's episode with Julie and Gina focusing on understanding your own erotic template and exploring yours with a partner.

This episode covers:

  • What is your erotic template?

  • How it can help you to understand your turn-ons and desires with a larger perspective.

  • How you can explore your erotic template with a partner.

  • What to do when shame gets in the way of sexual exploration

MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

On a more holistic sexual conversation -

“Often we limit our sexual possibility because we just focus on 'I like this or I don't like this' like an on/off switch with a binary rather than an orchestra of possibilities that make us unique individual erotic people.”

"So what this is about is looking at the bigger picture of what creates willingness or openness." "Yes, and building anticipation... Sometimes thinking about it and building it up for it is way more erotic than just seeing a naked person in front of you. There are all these moving parts and everybody is a little different if you allow yourself to explore these pieces."

"Sometimes the erotic template can be really raunchy and dirty and sometimes it's really tender... It's more about exploring where I've come from, where I've been, where I am and where I want to go."

On erotic fantasy -

"Fantasy plays into this as well. And a lot of the people I work with feel nervous to talk about fantasy because sometimes the things we fantasize about are not things we want to experience in real life. They're not safe in the confines of our relationships or personal safety. But if we look at and deconstruct fantasy too, sometimes it's not about the specific act we're imagining but it's about the energy. It's about surrender, control, power. It's about taboo. It's exploring all these pieces which I might say, "if I don't want to experience it's not part of my erotic template, but it is because it's really erotic and sexy and I might explore it by myself or if I really trust the person I'm with I might as them to explore with me."

On embracing your less mainstream desires -

"Sometimes specific kinks get wired in based on something we experienced when we were young and we're trying to shift it when we grow up."

"Owning what's in your erotic template is a really important self-empowerment practice for people. We can have a lot of shame about our desires. 'There's this thing I'm interested in, am I a pervert? Is there something wrong? Am I not a feminist? Am I a sex addict?' And we have to unpack that. It is okay for you to be fantasizing about or desiring all kinds of things. All kinds of things. When things start to impact other people we want to be really careful about the boundaries about how we behave that can impact on other people. But you get to fantasize about whatever you want to. Coming to own that I have this fantasy or dream or piece of my history coming up and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with me, it just is part of me can help people feel so much more sexually empowered."

"Dwelling too much in the 'why am I this way' can sometimes stoke the fires of shame."

"There is a super common fantasy about being raped. I don't know anyone who wants to have that happen in real life. When I talk with people about this they're like "this is horrible, what's wrong with me?" And it's like no, sometimes a fantasy is something that would shock us in real life or make us feel humiliated in real life and we don't often explore the areas that can be really erotic if you're using them in a way that's really safe."

Resources Shared in This Episode

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment, by Jack Morin

Arousal, by Michael Bader

Action Steps from the Podcast

Using these guided questions to open up a more complete conversation about your sexual template from Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson: Create a how-to manual for your partner about what you want sexually.

If you wrote out a Brief Guide for the Lover of ________ and inserted your name, what would you put in it? Basic directions might include answers to the following: 

  • What helps you begin to open up emotionally and physically to sex? 

  • What turns you on the most before and during lovemaking? 

  • How long do you expect pleasuring or foreplay and intercourse to last? 

  • What is your preferred position? Do you enjoy fast or slow lovemaking? 

  • What is the most stirring way for your lover to move you into, stimulate you into deepest engagement in lovemaking? 

  • Can you ask for this? 

  • What makes sex more satisfying for you? (This may not be orgasm or even intercourse.) 

  • When do you feel most unsure or uncomfortable during sex? When do you feel closest to your partner?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode #12 – Three is the Magic Number - Nonmonogamy

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Swoon Podcast Episode 12: Three is the Magic Number - Nonmonogamy

In this episode Julie and Gina discuss monogamy and nonmonogamy. They talk about different relationship styles, different forms of intimacy, relationship expectations and some of the ways people may get their wants and needs inside and outside of their primary partnerships.

This episode covers:

  • What is nonmonogamy?

  • Different relationship configurations.

  • Is non-monogamy right for your relationship?

  • How default monogamy may not serve you.

  • The importance of talking about relationship agreements and expectations, even if you are monogamous

  • The reasons people may explore nonmonogamy.

  • The reasons nonmonogamy might not be a good fit for a relationship.

MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

What relationship style is best for you -

“Being monogamous is hard, for all sorts of reasons. Being nonmonogamous is hard for all sorts or reasons. Not being in relationship is hard for all sorts of reasons. There's not an easy path.”

“Everybody wants to know, 'What's the best way to do is?' There is no one right way to do relationship. There are so many factors. I've seen people do monogamy beautifully and do nonmonogamy beautifully and I've been people crash and burn in both too.”

If you and your partner have different desires -

“Your options are – your partner tries to meet you in a way that doesn’t feel good to them, you subvert your wants and needs, or you find a way to get those wants and needs met elsewhere.”

“If we were talking about anything outside of sex...if I was like, “Oh man, I love scrapbooking and my partner’s not into it, people would be like 'Julie! Go join a scrapbook...scrapbook with everybody, spread your scapbooking seeds all over the world!' Right? But because it's sex? Yeah, you should only scrapbook with your partner, ever.”

On monogamy -

“We think nonmonogamy is one thing and monogamy is one thing. It's way more complicated than that on both sides. The trouble people get into with monogamy is falling into a default setting and never talking about what it means to be monogamous for me and you and what to do if we have a crush or want to dance with someone etc.”

On nonmonogamy - 

“If you have a strong history of infidelity...I see a lot people come to this because they always cheated on their partners, some people can make that transition, but it's different than cheating or infidelity. And if you have infidelity in a relationship, nonmonogamy doesn't solve it on it's own, we need to look at, 'What's the context that lead to deceit?' So that deceit doesn't continue in nonmonogamy. You can cheat in nonmonogamy.”

“Some of the things I love about models of nonmonogamy are the levels of agreements, boundaries, shared language and shared expectations.”

“People think that nonmonogamy is an orgy every weekend – it could be, I mean, good luck!”

Resources Shared in This Episode

The Ethical Slut

Opening Up

More Than Two

Action Steps from the Podcast

Worksheet about monogamy

Talk about your expectations and boundaries.

Worksheet that looks at the forms of intimacy

What can you get met in your relationship? What do you want to meet elsewhere?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode #11 – A Matter of Trust: Trust Issues & Love

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Swoon Podcast Episode 11: A Matter of Trust: Trust Issues & Love

Has trust ever been an issue in your relationships? Join Gina and Julie this week to talk through the finer points of building, repairing, and nourishing trust in your intimate relationships.

This episode covers:

  • How common trust issues are - even in strong in relationships

  • How to identify the pathways to rebuild trust in your relationships

  • The subtle and nuanced ways we build and erode trust in partnerships

  • How the way we experience trust in our early life influences our present-day relationships

MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

On addiction in families and trust-

“If you grew up in a family where there is addiction you learn not to trust your own intuition because you're like 'there's something off here' and all the adults around you are like 'no, everything is fine. There's no problem.' So then it's like, I don't trust myself necessarily, so it's hard for me to show up and trust another person."

On reliability in relationships and trust -

"A lot of this is founded in our early experiences of reliability. Early on, when people said they would do something, did they do the thing? Or acknowledge the agreement?" 

On trust and safety -

“We can't really do trust if we're not in a safe place. I'm not thinking about trust and intimacy if we're in an earthquake... ...because I am just trying to keep my body safe. And if I have a history of trouble with safety it's going to be hard to work on trust with other people."

"Creating a space of non-judgment reinforces a sense of safety in relationships."

On boundaries and trust -

“If our agreements aren't clear it can be easy to break trust even without intention or without malice. Because I am not following through on agreements you think we have it's easy to break them. And a lot of times we're not very clear about our agreements."

"We often think or just assume we have the same expectation, lived experiences and we have the same wants and needs because we think it's "normal" because it's what we see in other people. And what's normal to me may not be the same for you."

"There is an idea that boundaries are what keeps people out but I like to think about boundaries are what keeps me safe."

On personal accountability -

"If we don't have a way of taking accountability in relationships there's no way to reinforce boundaries or reliability."

"It doesn't feel very sexy to nag someone or be nagged or to micromanage or be micromanaged."

On self-trust -

"Some of this is an internal process, like when I think about boundaries, reliability, and accountability I have to ask, how reliable am I to myself? How much do I respect my boundaries? How much do I own my own shit? How much do I own my contribution to things?"

"It's hard to trust other people if I don't trust myself."

"When our trust is broken it's not just hard to trust the other person, but it's like 'how did I not know? ...and feeling like I can't trust myself is so painful."

"Follow through is the only way to demonstrate reliability. It takes time to build trust because I can make all these promises and do like five good things... and you're going to have to do five good things every day for a while to build back trust."

On sex and trust -

"Sometimes people underestimate how sexy trust is and how having that trust allows us to open fully in a way sexually that can be so exciting and so wild. Sometimes we think of sex as boring old married couples who are predictable and stable, but if I know you will be here and witness me and I can show up fully the possibilities are endless."

"If my body doesn't feel safe I may not be able to have certain physical experiences that I want to have."

Resources Shared in This Episode

The Anatomy of Trust - Brene Brown

Action Steps from the Podcast

Watch this video with a notebook and ask yourself:

  • How have I contributed to trust in each of these areas?

  • How have I helped erode trust in each of these areas?

Or, look at how have you built, repaired, or eroded trust in your past relationships- to help you avoid carrying these patterns forward in your next relationship.

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode #10 – She Drives me Crazy - Attachment Styles and Your Relationship

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Swoon Podcast Episode 10: She Drives me Crazy - Attachment Styles and Your Relationship

Are you repeating the same patterns over and over again in relationships? How you bond with your early caregivers can affect how you partner and show up in relationships.

In this episode Julie and Gina discuss the 4 main attachment styles and how they influence your current or future relationships.

This episode covers:

  • What “attachment style” means.

  • How your early attachment influences your relationship patterns.

  • The 4 main styles of attachment.

  • How knowing your attachment style can help you feel validated about the choices you make in relationship.

  • The different areas of your relationship that can be affected by your attachment style – intimacy, conflict, sex, communication, expectations and more!

  • Stan Tatkin's language for attachment – Anchor, Wave and Island

MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

What is attachment style -

“Attachment theory is the vitamins of couples therapy work. You want to know about it”

“There is so much about relationships I wish we learned in school!”

“There's not a hierarchy of good attachment and bad attachment, like “you're a bad person if you have this time of attachment.” This is all created when we are little. And it can shift and change over time. Our primary attachment style is imprinted from early on.”

On early attachment -

“I first learned about attachment in graduate school. It's a very big part of our education especially if you are working with families and couples. A place it really started to resonate with me was when I was becoming a mom and focusing on my kid's attachment. And wanting to be able to be a secure base for her. Sometimes when I talk about attachment with people they say they understand that it is what a parent does with a kid, but they don't realize that that creates the person who is going to grow up and attach with another person and that can affect how we show up in relationship.”

On the ways attachment style affects your partnerships-

“Our attachment style can lie dormant but it gets heightened in certain moments and it really gets heightened when we move towards one another or move away. That can be global or very specific. Leaving for work, or going to bed at the end of the day, or leaving on trips, or coming together, or moving in together.”

“How you view intimacy and how you view partnership is influenced by your attachment style. How you deal with conflict. What your attitude toward sex is – what it represents for you. How comfortable you are coming together or not – the distance you keep or the lack of space you want to have. Your ability to communicate your wanting and your needs. And the expectations you have about your relationship or about your partnership – can all be influenced by this stuff that was imprinted ages ago! It’s so wild to me! The conditioning that starts so long ago, that is a foundational building block, then becomes a foundational building block for our relationship too.”

“When we have different styles then it can be really challenging for people because the very thing I need from you to feel comfortable is something that isn't comfortable for you potentially, or the thing that feels kind of typical or normal for me is a stretch for you. How do we meet each other? How do we meet ourselves sometimes? How can I better understand what you are wanting and needing and how can you better understand what I want and need as well?”

On attachment style and dating -

“For the folks that are single or dating – I strongly recommend they learn more about attachment because then they can not only know their attachment style, they can have a better idea about what kind of attachment style will best resonate with them or serve them depending on how they want to shift and grow in their lives.”

The Anxious and Avoidant couple -

“Partner #1 'Why can't you tell me you love me more often?' Partner #1 'Why can't you trust that I love you?'”

Resources Shared in This Episode

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin

Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate by Stan Tatkin

Action Steps from the Podcast

Really look at your rituals of connections and separateness throughout the day. Create connecting rituals – usually morning and evening work well.

How do we greet each other in the morning? How do we say goodbye? How do we greet each other at the end of the day? And how do we say goodnight? What feels really good for both of us?

Play with that idea of separateness and togetherness – moving towards and moving away.

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode #9 – Rock the Boat: Breaking Out of a Sexual Rut

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Swoon Podcast: Episode #9 – Rock the Boat: Breaking Out of a Sexual Rut

Most long-lasting couples end up in some kind of sexual routine and lots of them ultimately find themselves in a sexual rut. They can feel uninspired, bored, disconnected or generally un-sexy and that’s where it can become a problem.

In today’s podcast Julie and Gina focus on the ways couples end up in a sexually stuck place and a few ways you can break out of routines that no longer serve you.

This episode covers:

  • How to break out of a sexual rut in your relationship.

  • Why diversifying your sexual interactions is good for your relationship.

  • How to start a conversation about what you want in bed.

  • Where to find inspiration if you need help coming up with ideas.

MEMORABLE QUOTES IN THE PODCAST

On why you got in a rut in the first place - 

“There’s nothing wrong with having a few go-tos… and for people who are feeling stuck or uninspired with that it’s good to have ways to expand your routine.“

“We create a routine because it works for us we find something that works and we’re like‘I want to do this again because I want to feel this way again’ so we keep repeating and keep repeating and keep repeating it.”

“We do what works because it feels safe, we know if we do it this way we’ll maintain orgasm and we fear if we change it we’ll lose everything.”

Why routine is a problem -

“It feels so stuck and people feel shame around it, like it means they’re boring or not sexy or not inspired. You can get sucked into that energy and get sucked into a hold of gloom about it.”

“Sometimes we fall into routine to protect ourselves from vulnerability… our routine instead of supporting connection protects us from that vulnerability.”

On bringing up your needs -

“There is nothing wrong with having fantasy or desire or wanting to try something new.”

“Sometimes a desire or idea lands on our partner like a request. You can run to a place of request and start implementation and problem solving and miss the opportunity to honor the vulnerability of my bringing it up.”

On finding inspiration -

“Sometimes people have ideas but they’re afraid to share what’s outside the routine. And sometimes they’re like ‘I don’t even know what we would do differently. This represents what sex is for me and I don’t know what else is out there.”

“You may not be into the most extreme ends of BDSM Play but you might want to be nibbled on or even whipped cream play could be something you’re interested in…. so this list is great to spark ideas EVEN IF BDSM isn’t something you consider part of your interest.”

Resources Shared in This Episode

Sexual Communication Episode Link

Sexual Self-Reflection Journal

Consent Worksheet for Relationships

BDSM Checklist

Action Steps from the Podcast

Seduction Bowl

Have a conversation with your lover about things you want to try during sex. A full list of things you’d be interested in doing if your partner was down right now.

These things can be very simple: lights on instead of off, undressing each other, etc not the most intimidating fantasies you have. Only include things you’re both on board and ready for.

Cut the list into strips of paper and put them into a container for inspiration in the moment.

So if you find yourself lacking inspiration in the moment of trying to initiate sex with your partner you pull one of these slips of paper out and do it.

Sexy Bucket List

Any items from your seduction bowl that take more time, preparation, or learning put on a sexy bucket list so if there is a day when you have more time to prepare or plan for an act you can do it with due diligence.


About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Episode #8 – Honey, I'm Home - Division of Labor & Connected Relationships

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Swoon Podcast: Episode #8 – Honey, I'm Home - Division of Labor & Connected Relationships

Do you and your partner fight over the roles and responsibilities in your relationship? Does the division of labor feel equitable? Are you clear about your expectations?

In today’s podcast Julie and Gina talk about one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships – Division of Labor! They'll share tips for exploring your default roles and ways you can create a system that works better for your relationship and lives!

This episode covers:

  • The division of labor in households and relationships.

  • The way our culture or family of origin influences our default roles in relationship.

  • Different types of labor or contribution in relationship – primarily emotional, physical and financial.

  • The conflict or resentment that can arise around division of labor or relationship contribution.

  • Examples of how you and your partner can “weigh” different tasks in your relationship to help things feel more equitable.

  • The importance of checking in about roles and expectations to make sure your division of labor is still working for your lives and your relationship.

Memorable Quotes from the Podcast:

On division of labor -

“For a long time the main way I saw it come up with people was specifically talking about chores around the house and the things that keep the household running...in the last year or two it's come up more about “the big picture of the relationship” - the hopes and the dreams and the goals. Who's keeping the relationship moving forward.”

“Sometimes the work that goes into creating a family or a life or a team, some of it's really tangible. What’s the financial investment? What are the hours invested? Who's doing physical labor? And some of it isn't necessarily tangible - the management functions of tracking, coordinating or overseeing or planning...it's harder to name these things. So sometimes folks I see get in conflict over this because they are striving for an equal balance, that feels really important to them, they want that, but one of them tends to have greater strengths in one area and one has other skills. We each monitor our contribution and try to measure our partner's contribution to whatever our defaults are.”

“When we think of that big picture thing or the emotional labor, I think of the computer tabs you have open in your brain. And sometimes your partner doesn't even know that they are there. But somebody's got to have them. And I talk to people who are so beside themselves - 'How do you think this household runs? How do you not know this?'”

“In my partnership, my partner loves to do the dishes and I hate it. I hate it! I would rather throw out the dishes than do the dishes honestly. So it's been beautiful! I haven't done dishes in 10 years.”

On our default roles and expectations -

“The reason this comes up all the time in sessions is that it's usually something that we set up on default without a lot of talking about it or without a lot of intention and almost never do we have a system in place to check in with each other about how's it going.”

“We often create this system out of default. Like what our family taught us. Or what culture teaches us....Or what used to work for us but not longer fits with our lives.”

“You'll end up in defaults, potentially with resentment, if you don't have a way to talk about the ways the contributions sit right now and if you don't have a way to check in as they change.”

On division of labor equality -

“I like to tell the couples I work with, If you are aiming for an equal split, If you don't feel like you are doing more than your fair share, you are not doing your fair share. There is just so much to do!”

“Our culture hasn't done a great job of teaching half the people in it to take care of their home or their belongings. I've worked with a lot of men who are like, “I would like to help out, no one really taught me how to do this well and I feel like I'm letting down my partner all the time when I try...”

“There are some things that we sometimes just have to do to manage a life or a household or a team that neither of us are good at and neither of us want to do. Nobody wants to clean the cat box. Nobody wants to wrap the gifts for Christmas and still sometimes those things have to get done. So how do we do it in a way that feels like it honors not not our strengths but also honors the things we are avoiding or hate doing?”

On the importance of having a process to talk about your roles, responsibilities and resources -

“We need space to have these conversations. Yes, focused space. I think about how often in long term relationship or couples who are doing lots of coordinating and managing, you can read their tests and the beginning stage texts are 'La la la you're so cute. Tell me about the things you like' and the longer they are together the texts are like 'Can you pick up cat food? Did you remember the _____ I'm running late ______.' It's just not very cute.”

“In an ideal world we can sit down and have this beautiful conversation about who's going to take on what and how we got there, but there is all this pain wrapped up in this stuff too.”

Resources Shared in This Episode

How to Share the "Mental Load" of Chores With Your Partner

You should’ve asked

Women Aren't Nags—We're Just Fed Up

Action Steps from the Podcast

Have a regular management meeting 

Check in about Resources, Roles and Responsibilities

What are the resources you are contributing? What are your shared resources?

What are your roles (give updates about what is falling under your role or ask for input)?

How are you feeling about your responsibilities?

Household Management Meeting Template for Couples

About Your Swoon Hosts

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Light My Fire - Erotic Fire in Long-Term Relationships

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


This Week: Episode 7 – Light My Fire - Erotic Fire in Long-Term Relationships

Do you feel disconnected from your partner? Does it feel like it takes a lot energy to initiate sex (or show up for sex)? 

In today’s podcast Julie and Gina talk about tending the erotic fire in your relationship. As away to keep the romance, intimacy and passion alive in your relationship

This episode covers:

  • What it means tend your erotic fire.

  • Things you can do to connect to your own sexual fire.

  • Ways you can keep the erotic connection going in your relationship. 

  • How touch, flirting, seduction, and active engagement can help you feel connected between and during sex.

  • Finding small ways to have sex or sensuality or pleasure on your radar in between sexual encounters.

Memorable Quotes from the Podcast:

On tending your erotic fire - 

“People can have a sexual encounter and then if there isn't a thread or erotic fire in between encounters, the next time it's time to have sex you kind of have to gear up for it...to get into the sexual realm can feel like it takes a lot of energy.”

“If you've ever built a fire, it takes a lot of energy to get it started from scratch. And if it goes out, it takes a lot of energy to build it up again. But if you have a fire and it dies down a bit, it's easier to build it back up again.”

“Different people have different erotic templates or different things that get them in the mood to have sex and help them feel ready...for some people, that includes things that are not sexual, feeling connected outside of sex. I talk to a lot of people who say, 'I feel disconnected, I can't have sex and their parter is like 'well I feel disconnected so we need to have sex, that's how I feel connected” Thinking about the erotic fire or thread allows us to do things that help us feel engaged so that when we are ready to have sex we're not going from 0-60, the engine is already a little big warm.”

On compartmentalization -

“We often compartmentalize sex from other parts of our life and it feels like it's over there and I have to get in the mindset or prep for it.”

“Some people pack their sexuality away...especially people who have careers or jobs where it feels inappropriate to be sexy. They pack that part of themselves away and they keep it packed away until it's time to have sex...and then what do you have to do? You have to unpack it and put it back on.”

On Foreplay -

“Foreplay begins as soon as sex ends or as soon as the last orgasm is had. If you are viewing your relationship and your sexual connection through that lens, the way you interact on a daily basis is going to be different. You may be more mindful with your words. You may be more attentive to your partner. You may prioritize different things. Because all of it...it becomes this entire dance about eroticism and connection.”

On putting energy into your relationship - 

“Are you showing up for date night the way that you showed up for your third date? Or are you showing up for it, kind of half-assed without a lot of excitement?”

“Relationships and sexual relationships require energy...and some people don't like that. There is still this pervasive idea that sex should be spontaneous and easy, our connection should be spontaneous, it shouldn't require any work or effort or planning or attention. I very much disagree with that idea. I see a lot of people who hope that's true and then end up not having any sex.”

“Do small things regularly and get a huge payoff.”

On tending your own erotic fire - 

“Whether or not you are in a relationship, it's important to explore your own erotic fire. What are the things that keep you connected to who you are as a sexual being?”

“Sometimes the things that make our heart beat really fast, those are the things that make us feel a little bit alive.”

Resources Shared in This Episode

BDSM Checklist Worksheet

Action Steps from the Podcast

Make a list of 10 ways you can tend your own erotic fire.

Then start doing the things on your list.

**Bonus homework - If you are in a relationship – 

Make a list of 10 ways your partner can attend the erotic fire between you.Each person does this and then you share your lists. Where is the overlap? What is different? Start doing the things that stoke your partner's fire and they will start doing things off your list.

About Your Swoon Hosts

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: Your Body is a Wonderland - Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


This week: Your Body is a Wonderland - Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

Do you have a hard time staying present during sex? Are you distracted? Worried about performance? Or focusing on your to do list?

In today’s podcast Gina and Julie share tools and practices to help you stay present and experience more pleasure in and out of the bedroom.

This episode covers:

  • Sign the petition asking Psychology Today, the largest online therapist directory, to add a third gender option to their search filters. 

  • What it means to get out of your head and into your body.

  • Different ways anxiety, distraction, multitasking or focusing on performance creates more stress and pressure during sex.

  • The ways embodiment can make sex more enjoyable and connecting.

  • Tools or rituals to get in your body – Sensual walk.

  • A practice you can use when you feel distracted (or your mind is busy) during sex.

  • How presence can lead to more pleasure.

Memorable quotes in the podcast

On being in your brain vs. being in your body -

“I often work with people who are operating from the neck up. They are not connected to their body. Sometimes they can't feel sensation in their body. Sometimes they are so wrapped up in the swirls and whirls and rollercoaster that is going on in their brain that they can't feel if they are turned on, they can't feel desire, they can't feel pleasure, because they are so in their brain. “

“I think our brains are really important. I don’t want you doing math with your vagina. There are things we really need our brains for. However, there are times our brain get in the way – distraction, multitasking, anxiety, making a to do list while your partner is kissing your neck - there are times that being in our brains keep us from the full spectrum of pleasure.”

On the times if doesn't feel OK to be in your body -

“It's unsafe for some people to be in their body. I get migraines and when I do, I don't want to be in my body. It's so painful and if I just sat there and felt my pain, that's not going to be helpful for me. What I always have to do afterward is come back into my body the next day. And I have a ritual around that.”

“It's not a problem to not be in your body. Sometimes it's too painful to be in your body. We also need to know how to get back in our body.”

On pleasure and presence -

“What is your goal for sexual connection? Is your goal something that is actually serving you? If the goal is connection, orgasm or erection might not matter. If the goal is joy, or pleasure, there are a lot of pathways to achieve those goals that aren’t always as specific as 'I have to have this kind of sex', and 'it has to look this way' and 'it has to take this much time.'”

“Our minds work like a tribe of playful monkeys. If you are going to train them, yelling at them isn't going to help much. But if you are gentle or playful with them you are far more likely to have success and far more likely not to stress yourself out.”

Resources Shared in This Episode

Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

Action Steps from the Podcast

Focus on Sensuality -

Connect with your senses in a nonsexual way.

What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling?

Practice this with food or in the shower.

Bonus Action Step - Shift to a mindful kiss

Notice, did you actually connect with your partner during your kiss. Were you present?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast: I Want You to Want Me: High Desire Partners & Intimate Relationships

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


This week: I WANT YOU TO WANT ME: High Desire Partners & Intimate Relationships

Being the high desire partner can seem like a simple problem form the outside, but people living this experience will tell you it's not that easy. You want to connect, share passion, and get your needs met, but you need to be careful to do it in ways that don't add pressure to what can often be a tense situation.

Let Gina and Julie help you understand how to handle high desire in mismatched desire relationships, in loving consensual ways.

This episode covers:

  • They ways “higher desire” can affect an individual and a relationship

  • Many of the factors that can influence how much desire someone experiences

  • The difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire 

  • Practical tools you can use in your relationship or with yourself to explore willingness, pleasure and desire

Memorable Quotes in This Episode

On the inner experience of the high desire partner -

“High desire partners often experience an intense inner struggle, where on one hand they know they are entitled to have desire, and they know there's nothing wrong with asking for what I want, but at the same time I'm tired of always being the one to gets things started... so I either feel like I am pressuring someone all the time, or I take it personally.”

On our culture and sex -

“Sometimes we have a tendency to talk about sex like it's not important or it's base. We tell people to focus on love more. There's something wrong with you if you have a lot of desire. You're not enlightened if you have a lot of desire. So there can be shame around this.”

On knowing when high desire is a problem -

“There are a small number people on one extreme end of the spectrum where their desire, boundaries about sex or impulse control about sex are interruptive in their life, they can't make it work, they betray relationships, they don't respect the boundaries of others because they can't manage their sexual impulsivity BUT that is one small end of the spectrum.”

"Is it causing you emotional strife or relationship problems?"

"Is it negatively impacting your life?"

On sex and love -

“For some people, sex and love go together and that's really important. But for some people, it doesn't and that's okay. ”

On exploring desire -

"If I believe the only way for me to get my sexual needs met is to have sex with a partner that can put a lot of pressure on a relationship... When we focus in on only one pathway to pleasure and stop playing around."

"It's okay to like other stuff."

"One of the most important ingredients for a great sex life is curiosity and a willingness to explore."

Resources Shared in This Episode

Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel

Mating in Captivity TED Talk, Esther Perel

Action Steps from the Podcast

Explore different ways of being in your body and connecting sexually with yourself and/or with your partner.

Esther Perel Reflection Activity

Take a piece of paper (or use your computer) and draw a line down the middle (creating two columns).

Write "Love" at the top of the left column and write down your first responses to the following questions.

"Love is..."

"When I think of love, I think of..."

"When I love, I feel..."

"When I am loved I feel..."

"In love, I look for..."

"I wish I experienced love as..."

On the top of the right column write "Sex" and write your immediate associations to the following prompts.

"Sex is..."

"When I think of sex, I think of..."

"When I desire, I feel..."

"When I am desired I feel..."

"In sex, I look for..."

"I wish I experienced sex as..."


Now take a few minutes to look at your responses. Notice any similarities? Notice any differences? How do you feel after looking at your lists? Do you wish you had different responses?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Swoon Podcast BONUS EPISODE: listener Questions Answered

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


BONUS EPISODE

We’ve truly enjoyed sharing what we think everyone should know about sex and intimacy in relationships- but now it’s time to hear from some of you. Julie and Gina gathered questions on instagram and their erbsides from the hundreds of listeners who’ve already tuned in to create this bonus episode answering three listener questions.

Listen here:


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels: