Nearly every week couples ask me how to keep the passion alive in their long-term relationships. They see desire fatigue set in all around them, the more we build a comfortable stable life with someone, the less we connect with the fascination, intrigue, and spontaneity that usually comes so easily early in relationships.
Those three elements fade away as we stop exploring ourselves and each other. Over time we start assuming we know everything there is to know about our partner. To that idea, I say:
How incredibly boring it must be to know everything about your love! How limiting it must be to have the person you desire think they know everything about you!
I hope you never know everything there is to know about your partner. And if you really do, you're either spending too much time together (and need more independence) or aren't growing as humans (and need to start).
The simplest way to reconnect with that energy is to start getting curious about each other. Start asking questions again and really answering one another. No quick one-word responses. No mumbled answers while scrolling your phone or playing a video game. Turn towards one another with intention like you did way back when and start discovering one another again.
You know I send out juicy questions to bring couples closer every week. This week, try asking your honey these on date night:
What do you daydream about most often?
When do you fantasize about escape?
What makes you cringe?
What do you want more of in your daily life?
What can I do to support you in making your dreams come true?
Gina Senarighi has been supporting loving couples and healthy teams for nearly twenty years. As a former couples therapist turned retreat coach, workshop facilitator, and author she's transformed partnerships, leaders and communication strategy all over the world.
Her uniquely non-judgmental, inclusive approach to couples work puts even the most concerned participants at ease. She's not your average sit-and-nod supporter- she'll hold hope even when it's hard and always help you grow.