Swoon Podcast Episode #26 – Hey Jealousy: Managing Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode #26 – Hey Jealousy: Managing Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

It can be really disruptive when jealousy pays you a visit. Most folks would rather never feel jealous at all because it usually feels so terrible and overwhelming.

Pick up a few really useful tools to manage jealousy so you don’t have to feel so bad with Julie and Gina this week.

This episode covers:

  • Why jealousy is a problem and a few common ways jealousy can impact your relationship

  • How to befriend your jealousy so you can have a better relationship with it

  • How to manage the reactivity that come sup when jealousy pays you a visit

  • How to shift from jealousy to gratitude and appreciation

  • When and how jealousy can actually be useful in relationships

Resources from the Podcast

The Jealousy Workbook

Jealousy E-Course


Action Steps from the Podcast

When you notice jealousy (or fear) is showing up first acknowledge it is there. Remove yourself from the reactive space and take deep breaths. Then focus on gratitude instead and begin a list of appreciations to ground you in what your jealousy might be trying to protect instead of the reactions coming up.

OR

Make three columns on a piece of paper. In the first column write out all your thoughts (you don’t have to show this to anyone, so don’t worry about editing yourself here). In the second column list the feelings associated with each thought. And in the final column make a list of actions you can take or requests you can make to address the feelings.

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Weekly Conversation Starters for Deeper Connection

Couples who stay curious about each other, engaged in learning about their partners, open to growing together fare better long-term. 

They're able to adapt to changes and navigate bumps in the road with resilience.  And they maintain passion and intimacy by fueling a sense of discovery and space for fascination, mystery, and surprise.

Every week I send out questions to deepen your partnership to help you foster and nourish the intimacy you share with those most important to you.  You can sign up to receive those messages right here.

And you can read some of my previous conversation starter posts here.

I hope these help you connect in meaningful ways with someone you love. 

Warmly, Gina

questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Here are a few questions to ask your sweetie this week:

  1. When do you feel most loved in this relationship?

  2. What's the most meaningful object you have in your possession?

  3. What's your favorite form of non-sexual affection?

  4. What poem, lyric, or quote best exemplifies love to you?

  5. How could we improve the quality time we spend together?

  6. What action or service can I offer to make next week easier for you?

questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Quick tips for these questions:

  1. Be present. Set aside some fully-present distraction-free time to ask and respond to these with someone you love. Put down your phone, walk away from any screens, and give your partner your full presence.

  2. Stay open to possibility. Even if you think you know your partner's responses listen to them without assumption so they have room to surprise you.  

  3. Show up. Offer responses in complete sentences and challenge yourself to elaborate.  This isn't about being brief- it's about growing more intimate connection.  Add specifics and details to offer more of yourself to your partner.

  4. Really engage. Ask your partner follow up questions. Part of this process is about engaging with your partner in meaningful ways. Asking more follow up questions will show you care and broaden the conversation.

  5. Connect with others. Collect all the questions and take them on a date night, dinner party, road trips, and campfires to inspire more meaningful conversation with your community.  

Swoon Podcast Episode #25 – Crazy in Love: Having Needs vs Being Needy

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode #25 – Crazy in Love: Having Needs vs Being Needy

Are you worried about being needy? Or maybe you have a hard time asking for what you want and secretly wish your partner could read your mind.

Today Gina and Julie discuss listener questions about the difference between having needs and being needy, and how to ask for what you want without being passive aggressive or nagging.

This episode covers:

  • The difference between being needy and having needs

  • How to ask for what you want (without being passive aggressive or demanding)

  • How to identify your needs

  • How to talk about the underlying themes or meanings when you make a request

  • The importance of being responsive to your partner's needs

  • Under every complaint there is an unmet need – Gottman

  • The cost of unmet needs

  • The vulnerability in asking for what we want

Quotes from the episode

“I hear from a lot of people who don't want to be perceived as needy. They don't want to be a nag and don't want to be needy and because of that they often subvert their own wants and needs. Or they want someone who will know what their needs are without saying them and that will make them feel more seen or more valued or more loved.”

“It is OK to have needs! It's OK to have needs in your relationship. As human beings we have needs.”

“Having needs doesn't make you needy.”

“Asking and demanding are two different things.”

“It's OK to ask things of a partner, because that's part of partnership. Otherwise you could just be single.”

“It's your responsibility if you are going to choose to be in partnership with me, to be responsive to my needs.”

“When we ask for something, we give people the opportunity to give to us. And that feels good for them too. There is value in being able to please someone we care about.”

“Ican't tell you how many times we talk about doing dishes in my office – But It's never about the dishes – it's often about helpfulness, showing up for each other, showing support, or order or efficiency.”

“In relationship, there is something beautiful about showing up for each other. I want to know what your wants and needs are. I may not be able to meet every one, but I want to know what they are.”

“The best way to get what you want and need is to ask for it.”

Resources from the Podcast

Nonviolent Communication List of Universal Needs

Communication Class

Action Steps from the Podcast

Draw 3 columns on a piece of paper

In the 1st column – write all the thoughts or judgments going through my mind

In the 2nd column – write the feeling that is attached to that thought

In the 3rd column – look at the list of needs and in the this column I list the unmet need

Then you can ask your partner for something or bring up a conversation with your partner based on the need.

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

FREE CALL ANNOUNCEMENT: Compassionate Communication Skills

MONTHLY FREE COACHING CALL

Every month I host a free call for a small group on topics essential to success in love and entrepreneurship. 

We focus the conversation on tangible skills you can easily implement in your relationship and small business to build the deeply connected life of your dreams.

One hour max.  Always fun.  Always free.


COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Fri, September 13, 2019

12:00 PM – 1:00 PM CDT

Online/Video Call (join from the comfort of your home)

JOIN US

Join this month's free call to learn the kind of communication skills you need but likely never learned to deeply connect in long-term relationships.

Here's what we'll cover:

1. How to get clear about what you think, feel, and need.

2. Clearly asking for what you want.

3. Setting healthy boundaries- with care.

4. Listening for deeper connection in intimate partnerships.

We'll end with a quick coaching session to answer your specific questions about jealousy and insecurity in your own relationship!

When you register I'll send you an access code for my free relationship tool library, which includes eight specific tools and guides for healthy communication.

And you'll get a copy of my compassionate communication guidelines to use at home!

Sign up today and join the conversation!

ABOUT YOUR COACH

gs headshot 3.jpg

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

She coaches online clients all over the world and leads retreats in the U.S.

Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.


August Recommended Relationship Resources

I’ve started keeping track of the resources, tools, podcasts, and videos I assign clients every week in session with the hope they might be excellent tools for all of you as well. I’ll be posting my favorites every month this year so you can find them with ease.

Read more recommendations here.

If you have suggestions or recommendations for this list please send them to me- I always welcome more. Email them to gina@ginasenarighi.com Thank you!

LISTEN IN: PODCASTS ON RELATIONSHIPS

I love listening to podcasts, and often reference them in session with clients. They’re a really easy way to learn about the science of relationships and often are a simple way to learn something new while driving, lawn mowing, or getting other things done.

I wanted to share a few of my recent favorites and the most common episodes I send to the folks I work with.

100% Guilt-Free Self-Care with Tami Hackbarth

I love Tami’s work in the world and highly recommend joining me in following her on instagram but this episode in particular stands out for all of you interested in nourishing your relationship with yourself and with others.

Tami was fortunate to see one of my favorite Super Soul Sunday talks live and shares her take-away lessons in this podcast episode. In it she also outlines some of the foundational research from the University of Washington I draw from in client sessions all the time.

I love the way she weaves in important lessons about self-connection as well as connection with others. Listen here:

Therapy Thoughts Podcast with Tiffany Roe

Tiffany Roe’s podcast is far more mental health focused (she is a therapist after all) but her goal to take the stigma out of going to therapy is loud and clear in everything she does (see “therapy is cool”).

I love many of her episodes (highly recommend her stuff on food, eating, and ED for anyone curious) but this one on boundaries fits so well with conversations we’ve been having in session lately I wanted to be sure to share. Check it out:


Gina Senarighi Relationship Coach

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 

  • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts

  • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty

shift stuck communication & codependent relationship patterns

I lead couples retreats near Chicago, IL and Portland, OR, host workshops, and see private clients online. 

Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.


Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in healthy communication, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

Weekly Conversation Starters for Deeper Connection

Couples who stay curious about each other, engaged in learning about their partners, open to growing together fare better long-term. 

They're able to adapt to changes and navigate bumps in the road with resilience.  And they maintain passion and intimacy by fueling a sense of discovery and space for fascination, mystery, and surprise.

Every week I send out questions to deepen your partnership to help you foster and nourish the intimacy you share with those most important to you.  You can sign up to receive those messages right here.

And you can read some of my most popular conversation starter posts right here.

I hope these help you connect in meaningful ways with someone you love. 

Warmly, Gina


questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Here are a few questions to ask your sweetie this week:

  1. When you look back on your relationship with each other 10 years from now:

  2. What types of images would give you the greatest sense of pride, meaning, and fulfillment?

  3. What would tell you that your contributions to your partner have been meaningful?

  4. What types of experiences, conversations, feelings and/or memories would give you the greatest sense of joy?

questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Quick tips for these questions:

  1. Be present. Set aside some fully-present distraction-free time to ask and respond to these with someone you love. Put down your phone, walk away from any screens, and give your partner your full presence.

  2. Stay open to possibility. Even if you think you know your partner's responses listen to them without assumption so they have room to surprise you.  

  3. Show up. Offer responses in complete sentences and challenge yourself to elaborate.  This isn't about being brief- it's about growing more intimate connection.  Add specifics and details to offer more of yourself to your partner.

  4. Really engage. Ask your partner follow up questions. Part of this process is about engaging with your partner in meaningful ways. Asking more follow up questions will show you care and broaden the conversation.

  5. Connect with others. Collect all the questions and take them on a date night, dinner party, road trips, and campfires to inspire more meaningful conversation with your community.  

Swoon Podcast Episode #24 – Thank You, Next: How Not to Get Into the Same Bad Pattern Again & Again

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode #24 – Thank You, Next: How Not to Get Into the Same Bad Pattern Again & Again

If you realize you've walked into the same relationship pattern over and over again (and most of us have) this episode is for you.

Tune in to hear from Julie and Gina about breaking bad relationship patterns.

This episode covers:

  • How to identify the patterns you repeat- before you're playing them out AGAIN

  • Why these kinds of patterns show up over and over again.

  • How common it is to repeat relationship patterns- even the ones you don't really want.

  • What to do if you are in a familiar pattern.


Quotes from the episode

“Unconscious factors are drawing us to similar experiences."

"It's an important personal shift to move from 'this person is a jerk." to ' how did I contribute to this dynamic?'."

"Not only are you elected to office, but you run for office."

"Change won't happen without personal accountability."

"Just changing who you are drawn to won't make a shift."

"Sometimes when you're used to chaos, calm can create uncertainty and feel uncomfortable."

"Chemistry is one of the few things I can't infuse into partnerships in my practice.. and too much chemistry can be problematic."

"We tend to think about relationships as all good or all bad, and there is much more complexity to our dating history."


Resources from the Podcast

Swoon Podcast Attachment Episode

Swoon Podcast Dating Episode

Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel

Hire a Therapist

A General Theory of Love - Thomas Lewis

Loving Bravely - Alexandra Solomon

Attached - Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

Deeper Dating - Ken Page

Wired for Dating - Stan Tatkin

Wired for Love - Stan Tatkin


Action Steps from the Podcast

Draw up your relationship timeline with names and dates on the left. On the right look at how they started and how each relationship ended. Note any themes, patterns or common characteristics. And ask what you learned or what you would do differently if you had the relationship over again? How did those dynamics serve you at the time?

Notice the places where you tend to think a relationship is all bad or all good and challenge yourself to dig deeper. What did you learn? What parts of that relationship would you like to keep moving forward? What would you let go of?

When thinking about dating and new relationships ask yourself: how do I want to show up? What kind of partner am I? What do I have to share with/offer a partner?

What was I learning in my last relationship?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Weekly Conversation Starters for Deeper Connection

Couples who stay curious about each other, engaged in learning about their partners, open to growing together fare better long-term. 

They're able to adapt to changes and navigate bumps in the road with resilience.  And they maintain passion and intimacy by fueling a sense of discovery and space for fascination, mystery, and surprise.

Every week I send out questions to deepen your partnership to help you foster and nourish the intimacy you share with those most important to you.  You can sign up to receive those messages right here.

And you can read some of my previous conversation starter posts here.

I hope these help you connect in meaningful ways with someone you love. 

Warmly, Gina

questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Here are a few questions to ask your sweetie this week:

  1. What cause do you feel most passionate about right now?

  2. What do you do when you want to make a change in the world?

  3. How have you challenged injustice in your life?

  4. If you had a million dollars to donate to charity, where would you spend it?

questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Quick tips for these questions:

  1. Be present. Set aside some fully-present distraction-free time to ask and respond to these with someone you love. Put down your phone, walk away from any screens, and give your partner your full presence.

  2. Stay open to possibility. Even if you think you know your partner's responses listen to them without assumption so they have room to surprise you.  

  3. Show up. Offer responses in complete sentences and challenge yourself to elaborate.  This isn't about being brief- it's about growing more intimate connection.  Add specifics and details to offer more of yourself to your partner.

  4. Really engage. Ask your partner follow up questions. Part of this process is about engaging with your partner in meaningful ways. Asking more follow up questions will show you care and broaden the conversation.

  5. Connect with others. Collect all the questions and take them on a date night, dinner party, road trips, and campfires to inspire more meaningful conversation with your community.  

Swoon Podcast Episode #23 – Bootylicious: Anal Sex Education

swoon-podcast-1

Are you ready for a life and relationship that makes you swoon?

Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire.

Whether you want fresh and honest information about sex and relationships or tools to create more fulfilling intimacy and pleasure, this podcast is going to help you connect meaningfully with yourself and your lovers.


Episode #23 – Bootylicious: Anal Sex Education

One of the more challenging desires our clients want to share is their curiosity or interest in anal sex and anal play.

In today's episode, Julie and Gina get real about the joys of anal pleasure.

This episode covers:

  • How to get over the "ick factor."

  • What if you tried it once and it didn't go well?

  • What if one of you wants it and the other doesn't?

  • What's the difference between anal play and anal sex?

  • How to expand your definition of anal pleasure.

Quotes from the episode

“Instead of severing ourselves from this whole region of the body that is right up next to other regions we usually like to focus on, think about ways to include it in order to relax together."

"When it comes to anal sex lube is essential.- I would say 'mandatory.'"

"If there's a surprise element it tells me that consent is not present."

"Everyone has a butt. So what's great about that is regardless of what body or identity your partner comes with, they might be into it. And whether you have a partner or not you might be into it."

"Try things on yourself before you try them on or with a partner."

"Different people experience different pleasure during anal play."

"Toys can be an additive to other sexual play and arousal. But Julie's safety tip is: if you're using a toy anally you want to be sure you either have a really good grasp on it or use something with a flared base."

"Not only inserting but removing too, move slowly."

"Don't yuck someone else's yum... The less judgment we have the better."

Resources from the Podcast

Good Vibrations Guide to Anal Sex

Bend Over Boyfriend by Femme Fatale, edit: on the podcast, Gina says this video was put out by Tristan Taormino, when in fact it was made by Dr. Carol Queen and her partner Robert Morgan.

Babeland Anal Toys List

Action Steps from the Podcast

Listen to this podcast with the person you're having sex with and talk with them about anal play and pleasure. What are you curious about? What will help you feel safe to try? What will help you explore without judgment?

About Your Swoon Hosts

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie


Every Monday, join Julie Jeske and Gina Senarighi, sex therapists, pleasure specialists, and relationship coaches, as they break down what everyone needs to know about sex, relationships, intimacy, love and desire. 

Join us and leave your review on any of your favorite podcast channels:

Weekly Conversation Starters for Deeper Connection

Couples who stay curious about each other, engaged in learning about their partners, open to growing together fare better long-term. 

They're able to adapt to changes and navigate bumps in the road with resilience.  And they maintain passion and intimacy by fueling a sense of discovery and space for fascination, mystery, and surprise.

Every week I send out questions to deepen your partnership to help you foster and nourish the intimacy you share with those most important to you.  You can sign up to receive those messages right here.

And you can read some of my most popular conversation starter posts right here.

I hope these help you connect in meaningful ways with someone you love. 

Warmly, Gina


questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Here are a few questions to ask your sweetie this week:

  1. What gives you energy?

  2. What helps you feel calm when you're anxious?

  3. How do you like to be supported when you're sad?

  4. What are your regular self-care practices?

  5. What drains you of joy and passion?

  6. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit when you're low?



questions for couples |date night conversation | conversation starters

Quick tips for these questions:

  1. Be present. Set aside some fully-present distraction-free time to ask and respond to these with someone you love. Put down your phone, walk away from any screens, and give your partner your full presence.

  2. Stay open to possibility. Even if you think you know your partner's responses listen to them without assumption so they have room to surprise you.  

  3. Show up. Offer responses in complete sentences and challenge yourself to elaborate.  This isn't about being brief- it's about growing more intimate connection.  Add specifics and details to offer more of yourself to your partner.

  4. Really engage. Ask your partner follow up questions. Part of this process is about engaging with your partner in meaningful ways. Asking more follow up questions will show you care and broaden the conversation.

  5. Connect with others. Collect all the questions and take them on a date night, dinner party, road trips, and campfires to inspire more meaningful conversation with your community.